


Repeat After Me

by greerian



Series: So This Is Love (McPriceley College AU) [2]
Category: The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
Genre: Based on a Tumblr Post, Established Relationship, Forgiveness, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Verbal Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-31
Updated: 2015-07-31
Packaged: 2018-04-12 07:24:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4470428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greerian/pseuds/greerian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set in the same universe as Sugar Daddy. Kevin finds a mantra for Connor. Edited.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Repeat After Me

**Author's Note:**

> I swear this was supposed to be fluffy. Anyway, Kevin does engage in some verbally abusive behavior here, behavior that he later apologizes for. I do not want anyone to think that I'm condoning this in the least, but I also want to show that having a person who occasionally is abusive due to their own mental health issues in a relationship does not necessarily mean that the relationship needs to end.  
> That being said, if verbal/emotional abuse triggers you, you might not want to read this story.  
> Also, the post Kevin finds was originally posted by trollinginthedeep, and the link can be found here: http://trolllinginthedeep.tumblr.com/post/118917568479/repeat-after-me-i-am-a-fucking-awesome-person-who

"Connor!” Kevin yells, sprinting down the hallway to his dorm. “Connor, I found the coolest thing, you have to do it!” he cries, bursting into their shared room.

“Hello, Kevin,” his boyfriend greets dryly, not sparing him even a glance up from his notes. But the brunette’s used to that, and he bounds over anyway, like an excited puppy, shoving his phone into Connor’s hands.

“Look! Isn’t that great?”

“Kevin, honey, it’s your lock screen.” Which, seeing as it’s a picture of them together, is still pretty great, but it’s nothing to get excited about.

“Oh. Oh, shit. Okay, one second.” Hurriedly punching in his passcode, the brunette pulls up the thing he’d been so excited about mere moments before. “Actually, wait a second. Maybe it’s better if you don’t see it. No, no, you don’t get to see it.”

“What? Kevin, I have work I need to get done. Did you seriously interrupt me just to tell me you won’t let me see this miraculous thing?”

He laughs, giving his boyfriend a quick hug. “You don’t have to see it. Just repeat after me, okay?”

But of course it can't be that simple.

Connor frowns. “No, Kevin.”

“What?’

“I’m not just going to blindly promise to repeat something just because you think it’s… it’s cool.”

“No, no, it’s way more than that; trust me!”

But he looks Kevin right in the eyes, his jaw set, and repeats “No, Kevin,” before returning to work.

Kevin’s... well, he's a little taken aback.. "But… but why?”

Connor sighs. “I just told you. Now, please let me work.”

Now it’s Kevin’s turn to be stubborn. “Fine. Fine, then. I guess I’ll just see you later.”

And he storms out, slamming the door and everything. Never let it be said that Kevin Price is anything but a full-fledged drama queen.

*********

The two don’t talk for the rest of the day, ignoring each other at lunch and during the one class they share (pre-calculus), and Connor leaves for work without even telling Kevin when he’ll be back. Since that’s _clearly_ unacceptable, the younger guy waits up for him, idly scrolling through his tumblr (which is incredibly popular, he'll have you know), pretending not to care about the post he’s had up on his dash since that morning.

It’s not like he was going to try to make fun of his boyfriend or anything; it’s actually really sweet. Doesn’t Connor like sweet, romantic things? Kevin could have sworn he did. But what if he didn’t? What if he suddenly decided he doesn’t like stuff like that anymore? What if he decided he doesn’t like _Kevin_ anymore? Was that why he wouldn’t even trust him with this little thing?

By the time Connor gets back, exhaustedly slipping off his shoes as the door of their too-small dorm room, and running his hand through his milkshake-splattered hair, Kevin’s worked himself up into a frenzy. 

“Do you not like me anymore?!” He asks, jumping up the moment his boyfriend walks in.

Connor just sighs, shrugging out of his brightly colored uniform, eyes trained on the floor. “Not now, Kevin. It’s almost midnight.”

“So it’s true, then? You hate me, don’t you? You hate me, and the cute stuff I want to do for you. I knew it. I thought that it would make things better, to do the cutesy, romantic stuff you like to make up for, well, y’know, but I guess it doesn’t. I guess I’m just not good enough for you!”

His boyfriend just stares at him. “What on earth are you- Wait a minute, is this about that thing you wanted me to say?”

“Yes, Connor! This is about that thing I wanted you to say!” His hands are shaking as he holds up the phone, pointing to the little, three line post he wanted to read. “I wanted you to say it because I love you, okay? And you, you just said no! Like it’s the worst thing in the world for me to want you to believe in yourself. God, I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry I just want to see you happy. I’m sorry that that’s not good enough!”

“Kevin, calm down! You’re breaking curfew!”

He quiets down, then, but he’s breathing hard, trying not to start yelling again. “Really? That’s all you have to say?”

And Connor sighs, burying his head in his hands.

Kevin bites his lower lip; he didn’t mean to make things worse, but he forgot just how exhausted Connor gets after work. “I’m sorry,” he offers. “Really.”

Connor nods, turning away before stripping off his undershirt and work pants. “It’s fine.”

“No, I mean it. I shouldn’t have said that stuff. I was… yeah.” Kevin knows he has a tendency to overaggerate everything, and apparently he's got an anxiety disorder to go with it. When he first learned, he had turned to Connor, panicky and confused, who had just smiled and promised to help as best he can. He’s learning, he swears, despite his pride. You don’t give excuses with apologies, that’s rule number one of arguments.

“Kevin, I said it’s fine. We can talk about this in the morning.”

“No, we c-” He takes a deep breath. “Please, Connor?”

The redhead just crawls into bed, facing the wall and pulling the covers up over his shoulders. “Ephesians 4:26, ‘Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath’. I _sinned_ , Connor, and I’m sorry. Please, can we just… talk about it, for just a minute? Then I’ll turn off the lights and we won’t have to talk about it ever again.”

There’s a moment of silence before Connor rolls over, rubbing his eyes. “Fine,” he mutters. “But only because you pulled Scripture on me.”

Kevin chuckles before he can think about it. “Did you just make a joke about this?”

The redhead smirks softly before propping himself up on one elbow. “Yeah. And it made you laugh, so don’t even pretend you didn’t like it.”

“Okay, okay,” Kevin agrees, pulling himself up onto his bed. It’s directly across from his boyfriend’s, and they just watch each other for a minute, waiting to see who’s going to make the first move. Technically, it’s Kevin’s turn to act, but he finds himself hesitating. _What if it’s the wrong thing to say?_ But then Connor yawns and it reminds him that his beautiful, hardworking boyfriend has been up before the sun for the past week, and he really needs to make this quick. “Okay, so… I am very sorry about yelling at you when you came in from work,” he says dutifully, “And I’m sorry for… basically everything I said afterwards.” Not very specific, but it’ll do for now. “And I don’t want to… to invalidate that, but not talking to you today kind of made me... “

“Anxious?” Connor supplies. “I noticed.” And if that phrase is a little bitter, Kevin decides that he deserves it. “Kevin, honey, just because I didn’t want to repeat whatever mantra you found on the internet doesn’t mean that I don’t care about you.”

Kevin nods impatiently. “I know, and I’m sorry for letting that get in the way. But the reason, um, that it bothered me so much is because, I guess, it made me think you didn’t trust me.” There we go, honest but not too emotional. Perfect communication. Kevin feels like patting himself on the back.

“...oh,” Connor replies.

“Yeah,” the brunette finishes. He turns his eyes away, then, and starts fiddling with the edge of his t-shirt. He doesn’t really want to see what Connor makes of that information, even if he's proud of himself for saying it.

“Look, Kevin?” Connor finally says. “It’s not… not that I don’t want to hear whatever this thing is. It’s just that I’ve had enough of mantras for a while. Okay?”

He blinks, staring across the room, but then he gets it. “Oh. Oh my. Oh, god, oh fuck, Connor, I didn’t- oh holy fuck, I... “ Of course. Of _course_. “I am so, so sorry.” Of course he doesn’t want anything even remotely related to turning it off.

Connor, being the wonderful, beautiful, forgiving, long-suffering sweetheart he is, smiles at him and says “Kevin, it’s okay. Don’t worry about it.”

He takes a deep breath, and nods. “Okay.” It isn’t, really, but it will be. He’ll stop beating himself up for it eventually. “It isn’t really like that, though. I’m sorry for scaring you. It’s just a little… positivity post, to show you how awesome you are.”

He laughs softly. “That’s ridiculous.”

“No, no, it’s true! Here, do you want me to read it? I’ll show you.”

When Connor leans back, rubbing his eyes again, Kevin hesitates, but the redhead says “Go ahead,” and he hurriedly pulls up the post, his severely dampened excitement growing tentatively. “Okay, here it is: ‘I am a fucking awesome person who has dealt with so much shit and I have made it through it all and am still cute as fuck and smart and funny and nice and intelligent and I kick ass’. That’s it.”

When Connor doesn’t respond after a moment, Kevin bites back a sigh and starts shucking his shirt, preparing to go to bed himself. He had hoped that, maybe, seeing what he was trying to say would make Connor feel better.

Just as the fabric of the tee is pulled over his head, he hears “Can you read it again, please?”

“What?” he asks, sticking the top of his head out again. And yes, he is fully aware he looks ridiculous with his shirt half on.

“I… that’s a really nice post, and I think I’d like to repeat it.”

He gets tangled up in his shirt, trying to rip it off as fast as possible, but he doesn’t even mind when Connor giggles at him. As fast as he can he gets it off and opens the post again, trying not to grin. “Here we go,” he says, scrolling with trembling fingers. “‘I am a fucking awesome person.’” Connor repeats it, stumbling over the profanity, and Kevin can’t hold back his smile. They say each part, the older boy following the younger, and by the end of it Connor’s hands are fisted in the sheets of his bed and his voice is a little hesitant for it just to be exhaustion, and Kevin really really wants to go over there and hug him but even he knows that his boyfriend probably wants some space after everything that happened. So he turns off the lights and wishes him goodnight, curling up in his own bed, all the way across the room.

“Um… Connor?” he ventures, a few minutes later.

A soft groan is the only response.

“It’s all true, okay? That post? It’s true. About you, I mean.”

He’s almost asleep himself when he hears a whispered “Thank you,” in response.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Please give kudos/comment if you read, or shoot me a message at greerian.tumblr.com.


End file.
